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May 31, 2011

New Plan

From the Borowitz Report:
Presenting what he called a revolutionary plan to slash the nation’s mountain of debt, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) today proposed eliminating the Social Security program in its entirety and replacing it with Groupons.
“Instead of waiting each month for a check from Social Security, America’s elderly will receive valuable Groupons for everything they need, from Ramen noodles to cat food to caskets,” Mr. Ryan said in an appearance on Fox News.
Adding that Groupons would also help provide for elders’ medical needs, the congressman illustrated his point by holding up a Groupon offering 30 percent off on open-heart surgery in Cincinnati.
Moving on from Social Security, Mr. Ryan also proposed replacing Medicare with a new program in which seniors are shot at by Predator drones.

3 comments:

  1. Many hardcore republicans may turn democrat in 2012 because of the social security issue.

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  2. The alternative plan is to have a 15 member bureaucratic panel ration the Groupons for seniors.

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  3. This is wonderful. I love it. And the predator drone thing means the defense budget won't have to be cut...oh, wait, this is a joke, isn't it. Oh well....

    ReplyDelete